Motherhood, it does more than change your way of thinking and it’s not just about the child you now belong to, or the club you’ve been inducted into. Your place in the world changes, your purpose becomes abundantly clear. No matter what you thought before that moment, no matter who or what you loved, no matter what your fears may have been, once you enter the world of motherhood that baby isn’t the only one being born.
Whether you have biological children, adopt, or foster, the moment you become a mother a new person is born – Mama. Now this doesn’t mean that the old you is completely gone, not at all, I mean you definitely want that new little human to know all the wonderful thing that make you the perfect person to be their mama. But the countdown has begun on the person you were, some of the things you allowed in your life, and the people you made excuses for.
The term “Mama Bear” doesn’t just come out of nowhere, and if you were lucky enough to have a mother of your own who was always on your side you already know what I mean.
For me becoming a mother, even before she was born, made me realize just how much I was missing in my life. I had worked so hard and for so long towards a goal that I believed was exactly what I wanted. A dream that started manifesting when I was just about 10 years old, I must have been the only 10 year old in my neighborhood dreaming of an office with a view and a big city apartment.
I sacrificed relationships putting my goals first, I felt the guilt of feeling more than a little relief in the midst of that heartache over the loss of a baby at 19 – a difficult thing at any age whether you felt ready for it or not. But no matter what, I was sure that my end game was the future that I wanted. Until I arrived at the endgame only to realize that being an Editor just wasn’t for me.
Then out of the blue, like a lightning bolt from the heavens above, there it was – a new life was growing inside my womb. I’ll never forget the moment I found out, the joy that resonated through every ounce of my being was something I had never felt before. I was ready, and I knew that I would put that tiny human above all else. Just as my mother had done for me.
Fast forward 3 years later and it’s been one hell of a roller-coaster ride, full of worries, overwhelming joy, fear, confusion, and an unyielding sense that I would cut down anyone who tried to hurt my child.
Motherhood is complex, people will give you advice and people will criticize your parenting style. But at the end of the day whether you believe in God or not, you were chosen to guide that child and no one knows better than you mama. I’ve learned to lean into my gut feeling like never before and have felt a hundred times lighter for it, and so will you.